Happy Christmas

Most of the older versions of The Night Before Christmas have Santa Claus exclaiming as he drove out of sight "Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night." When I was a child I was certain it was me he was talking to, after all he was obviously combining Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. People always used to assume that having my birthday on Christmas Eve was hard, to me it made me distinctive and my family always made it special.

This year was no different. Christmas Eve morning I could hear my kids come into my room, whispering in the way kids do when they are trying to be quiet. Then very robustly all three began singing Happy Birthday. Then they insisted I open my presents, Chandler had wrapped his in loose leaf paper. As a mom, a package wrapped in loose leaf paper can warm the heart greater than a box from Tiffany's.

Soon all three of my brothers had arrived to build the kids Christmas present from my parents. A sandbox with a clubhouse on top. Apparently my Dad had one when he was a kid and now my kids will continue to tradition. Never seen one? Neither had I, but come by sometime the kids would love for you to play with them.

We finished the day at the Christmas Eve Candlelight service at church. This has always helped remind me of the reason we celebrate Christmas, the greatest gift we could ever be given.

This morning we opened presents and we opened and we opened. And then we went to Mom and Dads and we opened somemore. I hope you got all you wished for, I hope you are surrounded by your family and friends, I hope you smiled as they opened the gifts you purchased especially for them.

Seriously, Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Baby Caroline

Baby Caroline was baptised today. I stood with the kids, surrounded by my family and friends, everyone who loves her. There was one very conspicuous absence, her father. Could the picture of Mr. Wrong's priorities be painted any better?

Together the kids and I cut down our tree, put it up at home, decorated the house. We make a Christmas tree cake, walked through the lights at Lewis Ginter and spent two days at Great Wolf Lodge. We baked cookies, chose presents and spend time with my brothers we are in town for Christmas. And throughout all of it I realised that I didn't miss Mr. Wrong. The kids and I, we are doing great.

Mr. Wrong did what he did out of selfishness and what he lost can never be retreived, he gave up his family. When they are older the kids won't remember that he bought them every new toy that was out there, only that he wasn't there at the times that really mattered. He wasn't there and the worst thing is, they know were he was.

Seriously, these moments cannot be recaptured.

He could. go. all. the. WAY.......

Is it crazy how excited I am to be in the fantasy football playoffs? I mean I won 2 of my regular season games in The League of Extra-Ordinary Mules by less than 1 point. One game against Melanie and the other against The Mutated Arm Bandits. The manager of the Arm Bandits is the moderator of the league, and also Melanie's brother. Or maybe the fact that I'm so excited to be in the playoffs is really just a reflection that someone actually invited me to play in a league in the first place. I spent so many years living in the shadows that I forgot that I had my own interests.

Sports. I love baseball and football. I am one of those girls that when her brothers go outside after a big family dinner to play I go too. Growing up I was a Cowboys fan, that lasted until Jerry Jones turned my team into a team of felons. So naturally I turned to the Patriots. I was on the Bledsoe is the Man bandwagon until he got hurt and in one of the greatest twists in football history the 2nd string quarterback was not only HOT, he could play!

But mostly I love the Red Sox. It started when I was sitting on the beach in Westport and my Uncle David says, "Nobody actually LIKES the Red Sox" as we are listening to the game on a little transister radio. It used to be said that no one knows disappointment like a Red Sox fan, "they'll break your heart." But you know the story, down 3-0 in the Division Series, my boys staged the greatest comeback ever. Yes, I'll be telling the story of the bloody sock to my grandkids. I was there as the duck boats rolled through the streets of Boston celebrating the World Series victory.

So I am a Red Sox fan and a Patriots fan. My brother TigBom might be the best source of New England sports trivia, if nothing else his blog will make you laugh. Did I mention Tom Brady was my fantasy football quarterback and that he singlehandedly kept me in the win column? Seriously, Boston sports fans are smiling - who'd have thought it?

It is done

On Thursday I talked to my lawyer and he said there was a 50/50 shot I was divorced. Yesterday he put the paper in my hand. It's kind of surreal, 21 days before my 11th anniversary I am officially divorced. Really? I don't feel any different.

I'm relieved, partly. I'm glad it's done. I have no intention of taking Mr. Wrong back. I'm ready to move on.

But I'm sad. I never wanted to be divorced. I'm a single mother with four kids. And I spent 10 years with Mr. Wrong, even if it wasn't perfect, he was my best friend. The person who knew me best and I've lost that.

So new chapter, here I come, seriously.

Giving Thanks

The kids and I said our prayers and headed north of the Mason Dixon line for Thanksgiving. Aside from the yankees who need to learn how to drive, we had a great time. Between my grandmother, my aunt and my mother the food was outstanding and plentiful. I saw cousins I don't get to see that often and there were plenty of laps for Caroline.

But it was when I was out in the yard playing football with my family that I looked around and realized just how blessed I am. I no longer have to babysit Mr. Wrong. I am surrounded by people who love me. And I actually put on sneakers and went out to play!! I like the new Karen.

Seriously, Thanksgiving was good to me.

Til the Lawyers Do Us Part

I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about the injustice of our legal system. Don't even get me started on what it takes to prove adultery in the state of Virginia. But after several dicey talks Mr. Wrong and I hammered out the property settlement, he signed the waivers and today I give my deposition. Yes, my name is Karen. Yes, I want a divorce. Yes, my husband committed adultery.

After all of this I'm getting past the hurt and am looking forward to it finally being over. Of course this might have something to do with filing my income taxes as "Single, Head of Household" and not having to claim my child support but who knows. So, after 10 years of marriage and 4 children, it only takes a couple of signatures to wipe the marriage away. I waiver between being grateful it's so easy and angry that he gets away so easily. Until I remember he doesn't feel a sense of responsibility to me or the kids. Mr. Wrong figures he can write a check, show up every other weekend and buy them lots of things. That may work now but it won't work for long. Sooner or later the kids will take a real look at their dad and all he's done and he won't be able to talk his way out of this one.

Seriously, two more weeks and I'm officially a Ms.

The Day the Devils Dance

Traditionally, Halloween began as All Hallow's Eve, or the day the devils dance. So how appropriate is it that today my children will meet the woman living with my husband. Two nights ago I found my son crying in his bed, he "isn't excited" about meeting Peach. As a mom it is so hard to strike a balance between the needs of your children and the healing of your broken heart. Mr. Wrong is their dad, they love him and they need him. But what he did is wrong and hurt me and the kids. It's hard for me? How hard is it for a 10 year old?

I harbor no illusions that Mr. Wrong left me for Miss Peach. Honestly our marriage didn't hinge on whether or not she gave a married man her phone number. Our marriage hinged on whether or not he could say no when it was offered. What I do know is that she is the kind of woman who gives a married man her phone number, the kind of woman who sleeps with a married man.

Seriously, Mr Wrong. The symbolism is not lost on me.

In the beginning...

Seriously, Karen. I can just hear my friends saying it now. This year I looked around at my life and wondered, how did I get here exactly? But more importantly, where do I go from here?

What do you do when you are handed the piece of paper that dissolves the marriage that has defined you for the last 10 years? If you are me, you lay down on your bed and cry. Or you stand in the shower and cry. Or you drive down the road and cry. And finally one of your friends says, Seriously, Karen.

So I'm picking myself, dusting myself off and re-writing my future. Literally. I'd love for you to join me.

Seriously, it's time to write the new chapter.