Bring On the Rain

Tomorrow’s another day
I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

Opening day ceremonies for little league were supposed to be Saturday, they got rained out. Grace and Lee were supposed to have games on Saturday, they got rained out. Chandler was supposed to play last night, the field was too wet to have a game. Thankfully the sun finally came out Wednesday afternoon and Grace got to play her first game.

So why Bring On the Rain? Jo Dee Messina released the song several years ago. At the time I was working for a large credit card company and they were screwing their employees left and right. After they switched me to a new department and new team, for the third time, I hung these lyrics up on the “wall” of my cubicle. One day the big boss came through the department, he liked to pretend he was “in touch” with the worker ants. BB stopped at my cubicle (I was on the end, next to the main throughway) and read the lyrics. He said, “What does this mean?” I replied, “They are lyrics from a song.” He said, “I’m not sure they are appropriate.” I looked him in the eye and said, “Which part?” He shrugged his shoulders and moved on. The truth is I was one of the highest performers on the floor so I got away with quite a bit.

When things got bad with Mr. Wrong I lost a lot of my self assurance, my fight. Being a single mother of four is hard work, very busy and the most rewarding thing ever. Slowly, bit by bit I’m earning back my fight, my self-respect. Tuesday night I had a setback, Miss Peach revealed something very big Mr. Wrong had been lying to me about. I held my head high and walked away, and when I got away I cried. I cried that night. The next morning I just added it to the “thank heavens I got away” pile of crap Mr. Wrong shoveled.

So let the storms come. I will keep getting back up. And I am a better person for it. Tomorrow’s another day, seriously.

Relationship Status: Single

Sometime last week my last single brother changed his relationship status. Now for me that's huge. I mean Jackson and Lee once made a bet that the other will get married first, while in the car with Lee's girlfriend at the time, on the way to my cousin's wedding. My baby brother Stuart did not get in on the bet, he figured he would probably lose - he's 4 years younger than Jackson and 6 years younger than Lee. And indeed it's Stuart who is engaged.

I was married for 10 years and it is an odd thing to find myself single again. I have several friends in the same situation I'm in, recently divorced, who are already in relationships again. I guess I am enjoying the opportunity to get to know myself again. I also know that I have taken time to really examine my relationship with Mr. Wrong and how it got so screwed up. Recently I've even gone back to my relationships prior to Mr. Wrong and that has been really good for me too. I probably wouldn't have taken the time for that if I was in a new relationship already.

Jackson (TigBom) says I need to embrace being single. So here goes. I have officially changed my status on facebook. It may not seem like a lot to you but for me it's pretty monumental. And I'm not going to feel so bad about fantasising about my brother's friend. And FYI to my brothers, your first guess as to who that is - is wrong. Maybe even the next time someone askes me out I'll say yes. Maybe. One step at a time, seriously.

Where are my car keys Caroline?

"car... car..."

Last week my kids were on Spring Break. Now I know we are supposed to do all this fun stuff as a family but it didn’t work out that way. I was sick on Monday, had to work Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. My one goal for the week was to buy Chandler a new pair of shoes. When do you think we got that done? That’s right Sunday afternoon. For those of you who care he got black and brown Tony Hawk skater shoes, very stylish for a boy his age. He wanted the black and white ones with skulls and crossbones but I drew the line there.

Back to the main point, it was a rough week. One of my trials was losing my keys. On Monday I was cleaning and saw Caroline carrying my keys around and thought to myself, “I should take those away from her.” Famous last words, or thoughts as it were. Later on in the afternoon I had finally gotten my butt in gear and everyone in the car to head for the Y to swim. Only we couldn’t go anywhere with out the keys, I don’t have a spare. So we spent the next two hours looking for my keys but with no success. I tried asking Caroline where my car keys were and she would reply “car… car…”

On Tuesday I borrowed a car from my parents so I could get to work. That night I kept looking for my keys. I found a toothbrush in the a/c vents, did a rather unpleasant search of the trash cans and found things I hadn’t seen in months. Still no sign of my keys.

Wednesday morning a friend of mine stopped by and we sat in the middle of the chaos that is my house and talked. As we sat discussing the awful things she found in her son’s college literature textbook Chandler came in and started playing with Caroline’s car. It’s one of those little toddler ride on toys, complete with it’s own little trunk, you lift the lid and there is a tiny little storage space. You guessed it, that’s where the keys were. And how could I be mad at my genius little girl who not only knew where keys belong but told me where they were.

So mystery solved. Keys found. I wish I could say my week got better from there, but it didn’t. I did however have an interesting break through on the Mr. Wrong front but this post is already getting pretty long. And I want you to come back again, seriously.

Aunt Francis

My Aunt Francis died Friday night. Actually she is my great-aunt, my grandfather’s sister. Her husband, my Uncle Hank, died a few years ago. Francis and Hank had a place across the lake from my grandfather, so when we would visit we usually got to see them too. Aunt Francis taught me to get water from a well with sheer hand power, she taught me to pop popcorn over an open fire (who knew you could fix it without a microwave?), oh and she introduced me to dipping apples in caramel. Aunt Francis survived the Depression and like most children of that era, it marked her life. She would collect the crayons discarded at the end of the school year, package them up and send them off to missionaries in a developing country.

In their last few years Aunt Francis and Uncle Hank had gotten weak and frail but I shall always remember them from my childhood. Uncle Hank paddling a canoe and Aunt Francis taking us on nature walks. One of the things I am sure of is their reunion must have been sweet, not with each other but with their Maker. When Aunt Francis got sick this last time it is rumored she told her daughter, “I hope this is the end.” She had tired of the trials of this life, she was lonely for Hank and she had lived a good life. She was ready to go home with the complete assurance of where she would be when next her eyes opened. She had felt the joy of living and looked forward to the joy in dying.

I probably won’t make it to her funeral, she lived halfway across the country. But to my cousins, I am so sorry for your loss. To my Aunt Francis, rest well, I will miss you, remember you fondly and rejoice that you are in a better place.

Karen has invited you to be a friend..

"I'm looking for someone whose baggage goes with mine."

Okay, I have done it, I have gone and joined facebook. Last summer my little brothers suggested I should, that it's a great social network. Well considering my social life consists of baseball practices and purse parties, what more can you ask for? (Yes, that is sarcasm.) Then a few days ago a friend from high school mentioned she had created a facebook page, so I decided to start my own. In the last 4 days 9 friends have accepted my invitation (some I'm not even sure how I invited :), honestly that makes me feel loved.

Here is my dilema. When it asked my romantic status, I didn't have it in me to mark single. I went with "it's complicated." It's so weird to think of myself as single, despite my post earlier to that effect. A friend has suggested I make a deal with myself to say yes to anyone who asked me out the first year. Sorry I have already broken that, causing one guy to say "you are just as big a tease now as you were in high school." Awww, really, you think so? Thank you.

The truth is I don't think I'm ready to date. Don't get me wrong, I am having a great time learning to flirt again. But to say, yes I will go out with you, even now it scares the crap out of me. I mean honestly, I haven't dated since college, over 13 years ago and back then I didn't kiss on the first date. Dating as a 30 year old single mother will be a whole other experience than as a carefree college girl. My divorce has been final now for 5 months and my marriage has been over for 2 years. It's time, I know.

So that's it, I'm going to go mark single right now.... Well, maybe tomorrow.... Or next week? I'm a busy girl but I'll get to it, seriously.

Take me out to the ballgame...

I love baseball. I am a fan of the game of baseball. I love the Red Sox. Now I am not the kind of fan that have the roster and every stat memorized. I cannot carry on a intelligent conversation about the heavy hitters in the MLB, although sometimes I fake it. But I love the game.

What I love even more is the game my son plays. This year he is in the Majors (11 & 12 year olds). This is his 5th year playing baseball, and when we started the games were hard to watch. Every kid had to bat, nobody kept score, etc. In AAA (9 & 10 year olds) the games were fun to watch, Chandler knew the game, the pitchers threw consistantly and they made outs. This year he has a coach he has had twice before and this coach is good for Chandler. Coach Kent rides Chandler, but encourages him too. He yells... productively. Some mothers cringe at their child having Coach Kent, I love him. Because in the end I know he yells because he cares, he wants Chandler to improve, and his coaching style works for Chandler's personality.

Oh yeah, this is the first year Grace and Lee are playing softball. Grace is in the Darlings league and Lee is in the Sweeties league. I don't have much to go on because they have each only had a couple of practices, so I'll let you know how it goes.

So if you are ever in town, stop by the ball fields. On any given night there will be at least half a dozen games going. And there is a pretty good chance I'll be at one of the fields. Play ball, seriously.

Turning a corner

Last night something happened, something that hadn’t happened in a very long time. I really felt single. And something else weird happened to. I found myself attracted to a man other than Mr. Wrong. Now this is monumental because I’ve been with Mr. Wrong for 12 years. I’m not trying to say in all those years I never found someone else attractive but I was never attracted to them.

Several weeks ago I went thru the Wendy's drive thru. I pulled up to the window to get my food and the manager handed it out to me and said “You look familiar, do I know you from somewhere?” Like an idiot I said, “I don’t think so, are you from (my hometown)?” He wasn’t but we talked a few more minutes and I pulled away. It didn’t occur to me until later that was a line, he was flirting with me. I am pretty out of practice and very flattered. Although a Wendy’s manager probably goes on my list of things I won’t settle for in a man.

In my quest to make sure I never settle for another Mr. Wrong I am working on a list of qualities my Mr. Right must possess. Any suggestions? Wow, I’m single again, seriously.