Okay, so maybe Hillary winning the New Hampshire primary is not the greatest upset in political history but I did not see it coming. I am a political junkie, seriously. I have been since I first "worked the polls" at the age of 8. Wyatt Durrette was running for governor, somewhere there is a picture of me with a Durrette bumper sticker on my bike.
My father is a politician. One night when I was in 6th grade we were all sitting at the dinner table and Dad said "How would you feel about having a politician in the family?" After pondering the questions I replied "I don't think I would care to give up my privacy in that respect." But Dad won his first local election that year.
Now, almost 20 years later I can appreciate my apprehension back then. A friend told me once I had the reputation of being a snob. You see the thing about being a politician (or his daughter) is that people know you, even if you don't know them. I spent the next month smiling at everyone I saw, every person I passed in the grocery store, at the gas station filling up, at the people beside me at a stoplight. Until finally I just gave up. I think of myself as a friendly person but I was really pushing the limits.
I'm not complaining. Not really, it's not all bad. I would talk about some of the benefits I've received but my Dad probably wouldn't be so happy with me. Let's just say I learned pretty early the rules seldom apply to me and leave it at that.
But I digress. I love politics. I am a conservative. Some might say falling off the right wing. I am a part of the "vast right wing conspiracy" that Hillary referred to (I'm going shopping for blue dresses later if you'd like to come.) Well maybe not falling off the right wing, Ron Paul still kinda scares me. So I've listened to each of the candidates and quite frankly I can't endorse anyone. I what Mitt Romney says but he's a Mormon. I like Fred Thompson but he didn't vote to impeach Bill Clinton. I like Duncan Hunter but he doesn't have a prayer.
I guess it's a good thing Virginia doesn't hold it's primary until February.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
'Til death do us part....
Well it's official. Mr. Wrong has now given this promise to another woman. Do you think he really, really means it this time? And they did it on Christmas Day, not even a full month after the divorce is final, only 4 days after our anniversary. They are planning a ceremony on January 25th, you know for the kids. I would tell him that Grace and Lee have cried because they don't want to be Miss Peach's flower girls but he doesn't like me very much right now.
I cried a little, it hurts a little. But mainly I have this overwhelming sense of relief. A friend who has been in my shoes says it's because I know I am finally free of the cycle of abuse. Other than a few very close friends people around me don't know the suffering I endured for years.
She's right. I endured years of verbal and emotional battering. I can almost hear him now saying "nobody but me would ever love you" following that with all the ways he deemed me to be "worthless" as a wife. And I would work harder, do things different, it was never enough. A few months ago I was channel surfing and landed on Dr. Phil. A wife and he abusive husband were on and Dr. Phil looked at the woman and said "it will never be enough. It doesn't matter what you do, it will never be enough. You can never be good enough for him to stop. The problem is not you." And I cried because he could be talking to me. I know that now. Nothing I could have done would have been enough to make our family complete. It wasn't up to me. He has the problems.
Another friend says, it's easier to kid yourself into believing the abuse isn't real when their aren't any bruises on your skin. But I stayed. I consider myself an intelligent woman. But I stayed. Why? Seriously.
I cried a little, it hurts a little. But mainly I have this overwhelming sense of relief. A friend who has been in my shoes says it's because I know I am finally free of the cycle of abuse. Other than a few very close friends people around me don't know the suffering I endured for years.
She's right. I endured years of verbal and emotional battering. I can almost hear him now saying "nobody but me would ever love you" following that with all the ways he deemed me to be "worthless" as a wife. And I would work harder, do things different, it was never enough. A few months ago I was channel surfing and landed on Dr. Phil. A wife and he abusive husband were on and Dr. Phil looked at the woman and said "it will never be enough. It doesn't matter what you do, it will never be enough. You can never be good enough for him to stop. The problem is not you." And I cried because he could be talking to me. I know that now. Nothing I could have done would have been enough to make our family complete. It wasn't up to me. He has the problems.
Another friend says, it's easier to kid yourself into believing the abuse isn't real when their aren't any bruises on your skin. But I stayed. I consider myself an intelligent woman. But I stayed. Why? Seriously.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
In with the new....
I know, I know it's January 3rd, I intended to post my New Year's ambitions on the 1st. But I am a world class procrastinator, I always have been. You would think working on that would be on my resolutions list - it's not. I've got much more important stuff on the list...
1- Lose weight. I think it's obligatory that you start resloutions lists with either lose weight or quit smoking. (Since I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant with Chandler, that's out.) But honeslty I am on weight watchers and in the process of losing these extra pounds. I'm aiming for a pound per week. I'll let you know how it's going in a month.
2- Write a book. Now I have already written one, that NONE of you will ever read, well except Melanie my unofficial editor. This years book is a romance novel. Because you know what they say about those who can't do....
3- Figure out why I stayed with Mr. Wrong for 10 years. I mean honestly 10 years and 4 kids (plus 2 illegitame step children). Why did I stay? I keep asking the people around me but until I figure it out there is no way I can start dating again. And I'd like to date again.
That's it, my 3 completely attainable New Year's ambitions.
1- Lose weight. I think it's obligatory that you start resloutions lists with either lose weight or quit smoking. (Since I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant with Chandler, that's out.) But honeslty I am on weight watchers and in the process of losing these extra pounds. I'm aiming for a pound per week. I'll let you know how it's going in a month.
2- Write a book. Now I have already written one, that NONE of you will ever read, well except Melanie my unofficial editor. This years book is a romance novel. Because you know what they say about those who can't do....
3- Figure out why I stayed with Mr. Wrong for 10 years. I mean honestly 10 years and 4 kids (plus 2 illegitame step children). Why did I stay? I keep asking the people around me but until I figure it out there is no way I can start dating again. And I'd like to date again.
That's it, my 3 completely attainable New Year's ambitions.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Happy Christmas
Most of the older versions of The Night Before Christmas have Santa Claus exclaiming as he drove out of sight "Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night." When I was a child I was certain it was me he was talking to, after all he was obviously combining Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. People always used to assume that having my birthday on Christmas Eve was hard, to me it made me distinctive and my family always made it special.
This year was no different. Christmas Eve morning I could hear my kids come into my room, whispering in the way kids do when they are trying to be quiet. Then very robustly all three began singing Happy Birthday. Then they insisted I open my presents, Chandler had wrapped his in loose leaf paper. As a mom, a package wrapped in loose leaf paper can warm the heart greater than a box from Tiffany's.
Soon all three of my brothers had arrived to build the kids Christmas present from my parents. A sandbox with a clubhouse on top. Apparently my Dad had one when he was a kid and now my kids will continue to tradition. Never seen one? Neither had I, but come by sometime the kids would love for you to play with them.
We finished the day at the Christmas Eve Candlelight service at church. This has always helped remind me of the reason we celebrate Christmas, the greatest gift we could ever be given.
This morning we opened presents and we opened and we opened. And then we went to Mom and Dads and we opened somemore. I hope you got all you wished for, I hope you are surrounded by your family and friends, I hope you smiled as they opened the gifts you purchased especially for them.
Seriously, Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night.
This year was no different. Christmas Eve morning I could hear my kids come into my room, whispering in the way kids do when they are trying to be quiet. Then very robustly all three began singing Happy Birthday. Then they insisted I open my presents, Chandler had wrapped his in loose leaf paper. As a mom, a package wrapped in loose leaf paper can warm the heart greater than a box from Tiffany's.
Soon all three of my brothers had arrived to build the kids Christmas present from my parents. A sandbox with a clubhouse on top. Apparently my Dad had one when he was a kid and now my kids will continue to tradition. Never seen one? Neither had I, but come by sometime the kids would love for you to play with them.
We finished the day at the Christmas Eve Candlelight service at church. This has always helped remind me of the reason we celebrate Christmas, the greatest gift we could ever be given.
This morning we opened presents and we opened and we opened. And then we went to Mom and Dads and we opened somemore. I hope you got all you wished for, I hope you are surrounded by your family and friends, I hope you smiled as they opened the gifts you purchased especially for them.
Seriously, Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Baby Caroline
Baby Caroline was baptised today. I stood with the kids, surrounded by my family and friends, everyone who loves her. There was one very conspicuous absence, her father. Could the picture of Mr. Wrong's priorities be painted any better?
Together the kids and I cut down our tree, put it up at home, decorated the house. We make a Christmas tree cake, walked through the lights at Lewis Ginter and spent two days at Great Wolf Lodge. We baked cookies, chose presents and spend time with my brothers we are in town for Christmas. And throughout all of it I realised that I didn't miss Mr. Wrong. The kids and I, we are doing great.
Mr. Wrong did what he did out of selfishness and what he lost can never be retreived, he gave up his family. When they are older the kids won't remember that he bought them every new toy that was out there, only that he wasn't there at the times that really mattered. He wasn't there and the worst thing is, they know were he was.
Seriously, these moments cannot be recaptured.
Together the kids and I cut down our tree, put it up at home, decorated the house. We make a Christmas tree cake, walked through the lights at Lewis Ginter and spent two days at Great Wolf Lodge. We baked cookies, chose presents and spend time with my brothers we are in town for Christmas. And throughout all of it I realised that I didn't miss Mr. Wrong. The kids and I, we are doing great.
Mr. Wrong did what he did out of selfishness and what he lost can never be retreived, he gave up his family. When they are older the kids won't remember that he bought them every new toy that was out there, only that he wasn't there at the times that really mattered. He wasn't there and the worst thing is, they know were he was.
Seriously, these moments cannot be recaptured.
Friday, December 21, 2007
He could. go. all. the. WAY.......
Is it crazy how excited I am to be in the fantasy football playoffs? I mean I won 2 of my regular season games in The League of Extra-Ordinary Mules by less than 1 point. One game against Melanie and the other against The Mutated Arm Bandits. The manager of the Arm Bandits is the moderator of the league, and also Melanie's brother. Or maybe the fact that I'm so excited to be in the playoffs is really just a reflection that someone actually invited me to play in a league in the first place. I spent so many years living in the shadows that I forgot that I had my own interests.
Sports. I love baseball and football. I am one of those girls that when her brothers go outside after a big family dinner to play I go too. Growing up I was a Cowboys fan, that lasted until Jerry Jones turned my team into a team of felons. So naturally I turned to the Patriots. I was on the Bledsoe is the Man bandwagon until he got hurt and in one of the greatest twists in football history the 2nd string quarterback was not only HOT, he could play!
But mostly I love the Red Sox. It started when I was sitting on the beach in Westport and my Uncle David says, "Nobody actually LIKES the Red Sox" as we are listening to the game on a little transister radio. It used to be said that no one knows disappointment like a Red Sox fan, "they'll break your heart." But you know the story, down 3-0 in the Division Series, my boys staged the greatest comeback ever. Yes, I'll be telling the story of the bloody sock to my grandkids. I was there as the duck boats rolled through the streets of Boston celebrating the World Series victory.
So I am a Red Sox fan and a Patriots fan. My brother TigBom might be the best source of New England sports trivia, if nothing else his blog will make you laugh. Did I mention Tom Brady was my fantasy football quarterback and that he singlehandedly kept me in the win column? Seriously, Boston sports fans are smiling - who'd have thought it?
Sports. I love baseball and football. I am one of those girls that when her brothers go outside after a big family dinner to play I go too. Growing up I was a Cowboys fan, that lasted until Jerry Jones turned my team into a team of felons. So naturally I turned to the Patriots. I was on the Bledsoe is the Man bandwagon until he got hurt and in one of the greatest twists in football history the 2nd string quarterback was not only HOT, he could play!
But mostly I love the Red Sox. It started when I was sitting on the beach in Westport and my Uncle David says, "Nobody actually LIKES the Red Sox" as we are listening to the game on a little transister radio. It used to be said that no one knows disappointment like a Red Sox fan, "they'll break your heart." But you know the story, down 3-0 in the Division Series, my boys staged the greatest comeback ever. Yes, I'll be telling the story of the bloody sock to my grandkids. I was there as the duck boats rolled through the streets of Boston celebrating the World Series victory.
So I am a Red Sox fan and a Patriots fan. My brother TigBom might be the best source of New England sports trivia, if nothing else his blog will make you laugh. Did I mention Tom Brady was my fantasy football quarterback and that he singlehandedly kept me in the win column? Seriously, Boston sports fans are smiling - who'd have thought it?
Saturday, December 1, 2007
It is done
On Thursday I talked to my lawyer and he said there was a 50/50 shot I was divorced. Yesterday he put the paper in my hand. It's kind of surreal, 21 days before my 11th anniversary I am officially divorced. Really? I don't feel any different.
I'm relieved, partly. I'm glad it's done. I have no intention of taking Mr. Wrong back. I'm ready to move on.
But I'm sad. I never wanted to be divorced. I'm a single mother with four kids. And I spent 10 years with Mr. Wrong, even if it wasn't perfect, he was my best friend. The person who knew me best and I've lost that.
So new chapter, here I come, seriously.
I'm relieved, partly. I'm glad it's done. I have no intention of taking Mr. Wrong back. I'm ready to move on.
But I'm sad. I never wanted to be divorced. I'm a single mother with four kids. And I spent 10 years with Mr. Wrong, even if it wasn't perfect, he was my best friend. The person who knew me best and I've lost that.
So new chapter, here I come, seriously.
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