On my calendar at home I can't just write my plans because Mr. Wrong looks at it, so I give my plans code names. This weekend is Champagne Weekend because Melanie and I decided I'd come visit shortly after New Years, and since I didn't have a drop to drink on New Years it was decided we'd have champagne this weekend. So we toasted Mr. Wrong's new marriage and my new life.
I'm going to be fine. Not just fine, great. I'm going to be great. Most of the time I actually believe it.
We also went to see 27 Dresses and it was really cute. I really recommend you go see it, Katherine Heigl is a great actress and James Marsden is HOT! It was really good for the eternal optimist in me. People fall in love, they get married, they do the hard work to stay married.
But I watched another movie this weekend with the line "Every woman has the exact love life she wants." The main character keeps saying that isn't true, she doesn't want to be miserable. The misery was inflicted on her by her jerky fiance. But that was a couple of years ago. It was time to move on.
And it's time for me to move on. Not start dating but to quit blaming Mr. Wrong for the misery in my life. I don't want to be miserable. I want to get out, do things. I want to go out to dinner with friends, have plans for the Superbowl, have a party for Caroline's first birthday. So it's time for me to quit waiting for things to happen to me, it's time to go out and make them happen.
Stop waiting, start acting. Seriously.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Always a Bridesmaid....
This weekend the kids will be with Mr. Wrong, well except for baby Caroline, so I am holding my breath (you will notice I do this anytime I head north of Richmond) and heading to NOVA to hang out with Melanie. The original purpose for this weekend was to get my mind off the fact that Mr. Wrong and Miss Peach were getting married on Friday. Turns out they made it official on Christmas Day - have I already expounded on this? Anyway, they were supposed to have a ceremony for the kids and her family. That has been cancelled. Wait, postponed, until it's warmer, until, wait for it, October. Shall we take bets on whether or not it happens?
So now we're going to drink champagne and go see 27 Dresses. Have you noticed there are not many romantic comedies out lately? Like all the good ideas have dried up. I went to the video store a few weeks ago and asked the movie guru behind the counter if there were any new romantic comedies out - nope. Being the eternal optimist I am, I like to see people falling in love.
My baby brother is planning his wedding to a girl I think is great, she is. I have three younger brothers and it has been the running joke for years that I am waiting for my girls to be flower girls. This week I received an invitation in the mail for all three of the girls to be flower girls, but there was something else in the envelope. I was invited to be a bridesmaid, I was so excited I cried. And then showed everyone the cute, clever invitation. And then I put it on my frig at home. And then I did my normal, oh no I'm too fat to do this. And then I remembered, not this time!
I'm going to be a bridesmaid. It's actually the first time for me. A bridesmaid, seriously!
So now we're going to drink champagne and go see 27 Dresses. Have you noticed there are not many romantic comedies out lately? Like all the good ideas have dried up. I went to the video store a few weeks ago and asked the movie guru behind the counter if there were any new romantic comedies out - nope. Being the eternal optimist I am, I like to see people falling in love.
My baby brother is planning his wedding to a girl I think is great, she is. I have three younger brothers and it has been the running joke for years that I am waiting for my girls to be flower girls. This week I received an invitation in the mail for all three of the girls to be flower girls, but there was something else in the envelope. I was invited to be a bridesmaid, I was so excited I cried. And then showed everyone the cute, clever invitation. And then I put it on my frig at home. And then I did my normal, oh no I'm too fat to do this. And then I remembered, not this time!
I'm going to be a bridesmaid. It's actually the first time for me. A bridesmaid, seriously!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Dewey Defeats Truman
Okay, so maybe Hillary winning the New Hampshire primary is not the greatest upset in political history but I did not see it coming. I am a political junkie, seriously. I have been since I first "worked the polls" at the age of 8. Wyatt Durrette was running for governor, somewhere there is a picture of me with a Durrette bumper sticker on my bike.
My father is a politician. One night when I was in 6th grade we were all sitting at the dinner table and Dad said "How would you feel about having a politician in the family?" After pondering the questions I replied "I don't think I would care to give up my privacy in that respect." But Dad won his first local election that year.
Now, almost 20 years later I can appreciate my apprehension back then. A friend told me once I had the reputation of being a snob. You see the thing about being a politician (or his daughter) is that people know you, even if you don't know them. I spent the next month smiling at everyone I saw, every person I passed in the grocery store, at the gas station filling up, at the people beside me at a stoplight. Until finally I just gave up. I think of myself as a friendly person but I was really pushing the limits.
I'm not complaining. Not really, it's not all bad. I would talk about some of the benefits I've received but my Dad probably wouldn't be so happy with me. Let's just say I learned pretty early the rules seldom apply to me and leave it at that.
But I digress. I love politics. I am a conservative. Some might say falling off the right wing. I am a part of the "vast right wing conspiracy" that Hillary referred to (I'm going shopping for blue dresses later if you'd like to come.) Well maybe not falling off the right wing, Ron Paul still kinda scares me. So I've listened to each of the candidates and quite frankly I can't endorse anyone. I what Mitt Romney says but he's a Mormon. I like Fred Thompson but he didn't vote to impeach Bill Clinton. I like Duncan Hunter but he doesn't have a prayer.
I guess it's a good thing Virginia doesn't hold it's primary until February.
My father is a politician. One night when I was in 6th grade we were all sitting at the dinner table and Dad said "How would you feel about having a politician in the family?" After pondering the questions I replied "I don't think I would care to give up my privacy in that respect." But Dad won his first local election that year.
Now, almost 20 years later I can appreciate my apprehension back then. A friend told me once I had the reputation of being a snob. You see the thing about being a politician (or his daughter) is that people know you, even if you don't know them. I spent the next month smiling at everyone I saw, every person I passed in the grocery store, at the gas station filling up, at the people beside me at a stoplight. Until finally I just gave up. I think of myself as a friendly person but I was really pushing the limits.
I'm not complaining. Not really, it's not all bad. I would talk about some of the benefits I've received but my Dad probably wouldn't be so happy with me. Let's just say I learned pretty early the rules seldom apply to me and leave it at that.
But I digress. I love politics. I am a conservative. Some might say falling off the right wing. I am a part of the "vast right wing conspiracy" that Hillary referred to (I'm going shopping for blue dresses later if you'd like to come.) Well maybe not falling off the right wing, Ron Paul still kinda scares me. So I've listened to each of the candidates and quite frankly I can't endorse anyone. I what Mitt Romney says but he's a Mormon. I like Fred Thompson but he didn't vote to impeach Bill Clinton. I like Duncan Hunter but he doesn't have a prayer.
I guess it's a good thing Virginia doesn't hold it's primary until February.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
'Til death do us part....
Well it's official. Mr. Wrong has now given this promise to another woman. Do you think he really, really means it this time? And they did it on Christmas Day, not even a full month after the divorce is final, only 4 days after our anniversary. They are planning a ceremony on January 25th, you know for the kids. I would tell him that Grace and Lee have cried because they don't want to be Miss Peach's flower girls but he doesn't like me very much right now.
I cried a little, it hurts a little. But mainly I have this overwhelming sense of relief. A friend who has been in my shoes says it's because I know I am finally free of the cycle of abuse. Other than a few very close friends people around me don't know the suffering I endured for years.
She's right. I endured years of verbal and emotional battering. I can almost hear him now saying "nobody but me would ever love you" following that with all the ways he deemed me to be "worthless" as a wife. And I would work harder, do things different, it was never enough. A few months ago I was channel surfing and landed on Dr. Phil. A wife and he abusive husband were on and Dr. Phil looked at the woman and said "it will never be enough. It doesn't matter what you do, it will never be enough. You can never be good enough for him to stop. The problem is not you." And I cried because he could be talking to me. I know that now. Nothing I could have done would have been enough to make our family complete. It wasn't up to me. He has the problems.
Another friend says, it's easier to kid yourself into believing the abuse isn't real when their aren't any bruises on your skin. But I stayed. I consider myself an intelligent woman. But I stayed. Why? Seriously.
I cried a little, it hurts a little. But mainly I have this overwhelming sense of relief. A friend who has been in my shoes says it's because I know I am finally free of the cycle of abuse. Other than a few very close friends people around me don't know the suffering I endured for years.
She's right. I endured years of verbal and emotional battering. I can almost hear him now saying "nobody but me would ever love you" following that with all the ways he deemed me to be "worthless" as a wife. And I would work harder, do things different, it was never enough. A few months ago I was channel surfing and landed on Dr. Phil. A wife and he abusive husband were on and Dr. Phil looked at the woman and said "it will never be enough. It doesn't matter what you do, it will never be enough. You can never be good enough for him to stop. The problem is not you." And I cried because he could be talking to me. I know that now. Nothing I could have done would have been enough to make our family complete. It wasn't up to me. He has the problems.
Another friend says, it's easier to kid yourself into believing the abuse isn't real when their aren't any bruises on your skin. But I stayed. I consider myself an intelligent woman. But I stayed. Why? Seriously.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
In with the new....
I know, I know it's January 3rd, I intended to post my New Year's ambitions on the 1st. But I am a world class procrastinator, I always have been. You would think working on that would be on my resolutions list - it's not. I've got much more important stuff on the list...
1- Lose weight. I think it's obligatory that you start resloutions lists with either lose weight or quit smoking. (Since I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant with Chandler, that's out.) But honeslty I am on weight watchers and in the process of losing these extra pounds. I'm aiming for a pound per week. I'll let you know how it's going in a month.
2- Write a book. Now I have already written one, that NONE of you will ever read, well except Melanie my unofficial editor. This years book is a romance novel. Because you know what they say about those who can't do....
3- Figure out why I stayed with Mr. Wrong for 10 years. I mean honestly 10 years and 4 kids (plus 2 illegitame step children). Why did I stay? I keep asking the people around me but until I figure it out there is no way I can start dating again. And I'd like to date again.
That's it, my 3 completely attainable New Year's ambitions.
1- Lose weight. I think it's obligatory that you start resloutions lists with either lose weight or quit smoking. (Since I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant with Chandler, that's out.) But honeslty I am on weight watchers and in the process of losing these extra pounds. I'm aiming for a pound per week. I'll let you know how it's going in a month.
2- Write a book. Now I have already written one, that NONE of you will ever read, well except Melanie my unofficial editor. This years book is a romance novel. Because you know what they say about those who can't do....
3- Figure out why I stayed with Mr. Wrong for 10 years. I mean honestly 10 years and 4 kids (plus 2 illegitame step children). Why did I stay? I keep asking the people around me but until I figure it out there is no way I can start dating again. And I'd like to date again.
That's it, my 3 completely attainable New Year's ambitions.
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